Vision

Have you ever felt so compelled to act on something that you felt impervious to danger or harm? Ever walked against the grain to the extent that you not only bumped into people, but in the act of bumping you turned them and redirected their momentum in the direction you were going? Have you ever followed a "vision" so dynmaic and powerful that you were willing to sacrifice much to gain the "real" treasure?

That's where my heart is today. Spurred on by the realization that I personally can impact the world around me with my magical inspirations, I have a new vision for making something out of my very complicated life.

Sparing the details (which are fleshing out even as I breathe), I have sense direction, purpose, destiny in the thoughts I am thinking. It is powerful, scary, exciting, risky, filled with exhilerating joy -- It sounds like something is going to happen. Soon.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, then we will see face to face." - Apostle Paul (somewhere in Corinthians)

The Cowardly Lion

Something tells me that I'm destined to wear the costume of the "Cowardly Lion" today.

I wore it yesterday, as well.

I'd much rather be Aslan the not tame Lion from Lewis' -- "The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe." With feet anchored in eternity and eyes fixed on heaven. With hope for the future of my life, my family, my world, my all.

Nope. I'm wearing the cowardly lion suit again. Afraid, scared of the uncertain, assuming my imminent demise. Not that too many folks would miss me -- I'm kind of a pain in the shorts anyway. At least as far as changing the course set before me.

It's as though I'm driving a formula one race car in a demolition derby... Not my choice of race, but I got to drive anyway. Spend more time covering my tail than anything else. Then folks get pissed at me for my attitude. Not to mention theirs.

Pick an analogy. Happy/sad masks. Good cop/bad cop. Dark side/light side. I am seemingly always opposed to the status quo. Always going against the grain. Always the goad in someone else's side.

I'm sick of it.

But I can't hide. I can't blend in. I'm just -- The Cowardly Lion.

For better or worse.

The Life Anew

Having successfully emerged from the weekend of Magic in Eureka Springs, AR, I have re-entered the life of a mere mortal media producer, trying to meet the deadlines at hand, while maintaining the "buzz" from doing what I really love to do.

It is as though I have been given another chance...a tabula rasa...a new life. What's different? Could I really be a "new man?"

Yes, I have a sense of fulfillment, a satisfaction from living the dream (even if for a moment). It's not healthy to dwell in the other world if that's not your path, but it's not so unlike yearning for heaven, while still here on earth.

I am only a man. I have only 24 hours per day to live and breathe. Would that my efforts would exponentially increase and bring great fruit and blessing to all I touch. ALL I TOUCH!

My prayer for today -- my hope for tomorrow.

Not A Happy Camper

Imagine being so selfish that you mess up the lives of everyone you come in contact with. That's apparently the assessment of my life.

I know I have issues. I know I need a "reality check." Yet, here I am -- one selfish summa-something.

I wish to immerse in my work, but I'm not crazy about that place. I wish to become a major player in my avocation -- but would not be able to really support a family. I think I've made a few wrong turns in my life, as well, which makes me just mad at everybody.

Today's my Friday, because of tomorrow I'm taking off and Friday is a holiday (Good Friday). I'll be a normal human being playing the part of a magician at the 34th Annual Cavalcade of Magic in Eureka Springs, AR. If I can get there. Will be fun to perform, hang-out, emcee a show, hang-out, laugh alot, and hang-out.

All by my selfish self.

Courage.

Double Agent

"I've got this double in a -- another world.
I've got this double in the -- heavenly places.
Is that so strange? You've got one, too."

From Daniel Amos' "Doppelganger"

A friend of the family died over the weekend. A chaste, humble man -- a Godly man, who served others with an abandonment that betrayed his true allegiance - his first love. It was an accident. It was untimely.

As far as I know, Fay was a guileless man -- no duplicity, no mixed motives or treachery. Not so with me. I'm a "double." I've got my feet in both worlds and it's difficult to walk.

Surely Fay had like struggles -- I'm sure he faced greed and lust and all the other deadly sins. Like Fay must have, I walk close to the edge every day. I am faced with the temptations this world offers AND blessed with the opportunity to make a choice to walk with "papers" from another world -- another way -- the only way.

But I'm a still a double. I still struggle with the duplicity of interfacing with the world around me. Further complicating this is my chosen sideline -- Magic. I must be careful to not cross some imaginary line over to the dark side. People all around me get that "look" when I let on that I am a magician -- "Oh, you regularly consort with demons and dark spirits," their "oh-so-spiritual" glance tells me. No matter how many ways I describe what I do and my motivation for it, I still "appear" to be in league with the devil.

Another week begins and this week I will be more magician than not. This week I will appear more in league with the dark side than most. So be it. There is One Who knows my true allegiance.

For the record, I serve Him.

I Feel Like I'm Losing Ground

So...

It's Friday and I'm tired. Still I've got a whole honkin' list of stuff to do (which I will spare you from having to read). I wonder if I can ever get on the plus side of this equation called life.

Think about it... There's never quite enough to go around. Never enough time, money, sleep, etc. Always too many bills, requests for attention, opportunities to do good (and bad). I just want to be successful at the important things -- being a husband and father -- and do a respectable job at all the rest.

What if I could really read minds? Would YOU mind?

OK, so I'll put my life in the hands of the Almighty and look at this day as a chance for personal greatness. Integrity. Hope. Love.

Will you go with me?

Pilgrimage

"In this between all things are seen
Spirit and flesh intersect
Darkness and light
Blindness and sight
Spirit and flesh intersect"

"And I sit here looking at the sky,
For a glimpse of Your glory passing by."

Lyrics from the CD "Pilgrimage" by Jeff Johnson. My listening faire for the early morning drive today.

Between the sunrise and the sunset this day is a walk into the known and unknown -- the predictable and the unpredictable. It is truly a Pilgrimage. It is truly my life.

O, that I might finish it well! That is my prayer.

(And that I might be able to do a continuous split fan, too.)

Selah

Why I Can't Sleep (or Why Can't I Sleep?)

Seems like 2:45 am was the appointed time to begin my day today. As much as I tried to fall back to sleep, the mind was reelin' with stuff to think about and do.

So after fighting it for a half hour or so, I got up and plunged into the day with sheer abandon. (TRANSLATION: I made a pot of coffee). Then I began the arduous process of learning a majorly new magic effect (Richard Osterlind's Perfect Center Tear). This baby is mind-reading "GOLD". Thanks Richard.

I arrived at work feeling like I should already be heading home (or at least lunch time) and I'm still running the race.

Big question...Was it something I ate? Was I supposed to pray for someone? Was I just done sleeping?

Maybe I'll try some warm milk next time.

Cheers.

You gotta start somewhere...

So it's March 15th...The Ides of March...BEWARE!

Maybe a can say a few things here that I can't say in other venues. Maybe.

It will be an interesting exercise in self-expression. I hope.

Sned